Laser spammers

Prankster: Lowtax
Victim: Phoenix

This prank started going in one direction and ended up in a totally new dimension. I was originally going to pretend to be some kind of idiotic avant-garde art student, but it took a completely different turn. Luckily I had another pre-planned prank idea to fill in for the detour this one took.Oh yeah, the victim of this prank is one of the most productive and intelligent members of our online society, an ICQ spammer who forwards lame messages and asks that you do the same. Do these people really deserve to live?

via SomethingAwful

phoenix – You can make quick bucks EASY!!! Microsoft and AOL have merged and are working on their new version of ICQ, so forward this message to everybody on your ICQ list! You could win up to $1,000 per forwarding! Please send this to everybody on your list!

phoenix – You can make quick bucks EASY!!! Microsoft and AOL have merged and are working on their new version of ICQ, so forward this message to everybody on your ICQ list! You could win up to $1,000 per forwarding! Please send this to everybody on your list!

Lowtax – EVERYBODY?!?

phoenix – yeah, plz

Lowtax – OKAY

Lowtax – You can make quick bucks EASY!!! Microsoft and AOL have merged and are working on their new version of ICQ, so forward this message to everybody on your ICQ list! You could win up to $1,000 per forwarding! Please send this to everybody on your list!

Lowtax – HOWS THAT?

phoenix – not me u idiot!

Lowtax – SORRY, I JUST WANT TO WIN THAT $10,000

Lowtax – I NEED THE MONEY BECAUSE I’M BROKE

phoenix – A/S/L?

Lowtax – YES

phoenix – ????

Lowtax – I SAID I NEED THE MONEY BECAUSE I’M BROKE

phoenix – what u do?

Lowtax – COMPUTER ART

phoenix – u have Phtotoshop?

Lowtax – WHATS THAT? SOME KIND OF GAME? I DONT PLAY GAMES ON THIS COMPUTER, I DONT HAVE TIME FOR GAMES!

phoenix – how do u do computer art w/o photoshop?!

Lowtax – NO, I MAKE ART FROM COMPUTERS. WE TAKE THEM AND MAKE STATUES FROM THEM AND PLAYGROUNDS AND STUFF

Lowtax – MODERN ART, YOU KNOW, LIKE JIM BAGLEADUCIA

phoenix – oh, what kinf of stuff?

Lowtax – THE VIRGIN MARY, WE PUT ALL THE COMPUTER MONITORS AND LOG ONTO MAPQUEST.COM AND PULL UP MAPS OF THE EAST COAST AND CALL OUR STATUE “THE VIRGINIA MARY”

Lowtax – HA HA, GET IT?

Lowtax – GET IT??!?

phoenix – so u dont use art progs? u make the art from the comps?

Lowtax – “THE VIRGINIA MARY”! IT’S MODERN ART. GET IT?

phoenix – yea. A/S/L?

Lowtax – NO, VIRGINIA

phoenix – what?

Lowtax – NOT ASL, VIRGINIA. LIKE “VIRGINIA MARY”

phoenix – age / sex / location?

Lowtax – OH SORRY. 22 / FEMALE / CALIFORNIA

phoenix – kewl. u have a pic?

Lowtax – YEAH, THANKS FOR ASKING

Lowtax – YOU KNOW MUCH ABOUT LASERS?

phoenix – like in games?

Lowtax – NO, LIKE ARGON-ION GAS LASERS THAT FUEL A SOLID STATE Ti: SAPPHIRE LASER.

phoenix – woah, what?

Lowtax – A/S/L?

phoenix – male / 18 / Texas

Lowtax – THATS COOL. WE’RE WORKING ON A PROJECT DOWN IN TEXAS WITH A LASER COMPANY ACTUALLY.

phoenix – what kind of stuff? u got a pic?

Lowtax – YEAH I GOT A PIC, LET ME SEND IT

Lowtax – WE’RE DOING SOME INVENTION WORK DOWN IN TEXAS FOR MY COMPANY. CONTRACT STUFF.

phoenix – what kind of stuff?

Lowtax – RIGHT NOW WE’RE IN THE INITIAL STAGES OF R&D. DOING SOME SECRET RESEARCH AND THE LIKE.

phoenix – whats this pic of?

Lowtax – ITS OUR FEMTOSECOND LASER. THE ARGON-ION GAS LASER PRODUCES PULSES OF 10 FEMTOSECOND LIGHT BY PUMPING A TITANIUM DOPED SAPPHIRE.

phoenix – what u use it for?

Lowtax – WE SHINE IT IN KIDS EYES AND PUSH THEM DOWN. IT’S AN EXPERIMENT WE’RE DOING.

phoenix – what do u do that? that legal?

Lowtax – YEAH ITS LEGAL, SILLY. THIS IS A PUBLICALLY TRADED COMPANY. WE SHINE THE LASER INTO THE KIDS EYES BECAUSE WE’RE MAKING HOLOGRAMS AND STUDYING THE EFFECTS ON THE HUMAN BRAIN

Lowtax – KIDS ARE LIKE MINI-HUMANS, SO WE JUST USE THEM SO WE DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANY LEGAL PAPERWORK OR STUFF.

phoenix – kewl, holograms? like u use the lassers to make holograms?

Lowtax – YEAH THAT’S ABOUT RIGHT. WE SHINE A CHIRPED-PULSE AMPLIFICATION LASER INTO THE KIDS EYES AND SEE HOW THEY REACT. WE’RE DOING SOME TOP SECRET STUFF DOWN THERE.

phoenix – like what? with the lasers? holograms?

Lowtax – YEAH. IT’S TOP SECRET, SO I DONT KNOW IF I CAN TELL YOU.

phoenix – u can tell me

Lowtax – OH OKAY

Lowtax – You can make quick bucks EASY!!! Microsoft and AOL have merged and are working on their new version of ICQ, so forward this message to everybody on your ICQ list! You could win up to $1,000 per forwarding! Please send this to everybody on your list!

phoenix – what??

Lowtax – SORRY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO INCREASE THE ODDS OF ME WINNING THAT $100,000.

Lowtax – ANYWAY, WE’RE BUILDING HOLOGRAPHIC FURNITURE.

phoenix – what is that?

Lowtax – WELL, IT’S FOR PEOPLE WHO CANT AFFORD REALLY NICE FURNITURE, SO THEY BUY OUR LASER SYSTEMS WHICH WILL MAKE HOLOGRAPHIC FURNITURE THAT LOOKS REALLY NICE FROM THE OUTSIDE. IT ADDS A LOT OF RESALE VALUE TO YOUR HOUSE AND ITS TOTALLY PORTABLE AND CONVENIENT.

phoenix – can utake it anywyhere?

Lowtax – YEAH EXCEPT THE ZOO

Lowtax – DONT EVER TAKE HOLOGRAPHIC STUFF TO THE ZOO

Lowtax – THAT’S JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE!

phoenix – why furniture?

Lowtax – WE WANTED A CHALLENGE. IT’S EASY TO REPRODUCE HOLOGRAMS OF PEOPLE AND PRESIDENTS AND ANIMALS AND BEARS, BUT NOBODY HAS EVER MADE HOLOGRAPHIC FURNITURE BEFORE BECAUSE IT’S SO HARD.

Lowtax – FURNITURE IS THE TRUE TEST OF SKILL IN THE HOLOGRAM / LASER INDUSTRY. WE’RE VERY CLOSE TO MAKING IT HAPPEN MY FRIEND.

phoenix – kewl, people have made holographic people already? how come nobody has this? u think it would be in the newspapers or sometihing.

Lowtax – IT’S A GOVERNMENT CONTRACT. PUBLIC SECTOR GETS THE INFORMATION ON HOW TO BUILD ONE ABOUT THREE YEARS AFTER THE GOVERNMENT HAS IT. YOU WILL PROBABLY START HEARING ABOUT IN IN 2 YEARS OR SO.

phoenix – woah, thats really neat.

Lowtax – YOU BET, PAL. WE’RE GOING TO MARKET A BIG LINE OF HOLOGRAPHIC RUGS SOON. I MEAN, ITS A GENIUS IDEA. ALL YOU DO IS PUT THE HOLOGRAPHIC LASER ON THE GROUND AND IT MAKES IT LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A FANCY RUG THERE.

Lowtax – I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL DOES A RUG DO ANYWAY? IT JUST COVERS UP A PATCH OF YOUR UGLY CARPET. BUT NOBODY WANTS RUGS BECAUSE THEY’RE SO HEAVY AND YOU CANT PICK THEM UP BECAUSE THEY WEIGH SO MUCH. NOW YOU CAN BRING YOUR RUG ANYWHERE – THE LIVING ROOM, BATHROOM, WORK, OUT CAMPING, ANYWHERE!

Lowtax – EXCEPT THE ZOO.

phoenix – why not the zoo?

Lowtax – ANIMALS HATE ARGON!!! THEY GO CRAZY!

phoenix – ohhhh, i didnt knwo that

Lowtax – THEY START RUNNING AROUND AND VOMITING AND KNOCKING EVERYTHING OVER! ITS A MESS LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE!

phoenix – why do they do thayt?

Lowtax – I DONT KNOW, THEY JUST GO NUTS WHEN THEIR BRAINS BECOME IONIZED PLASMA FOR SOME REASON.

phoenix – crazy

Lowtax – YOU BET.

Lowtax – WHAT DO YOU DO?

phoenix – im a student

Lowtax – NO, THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT.

phoenix – what did u mean?

Lowtax – I MEAN WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEBODY SHINES AN ARGON-ION GAS LASER INTO YOUR EYES?

phoenix – i dont know, Ive never seen one.

Lowtax – MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME DOWN FOR SOME EXPERIMENTS. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

phoenix – lol, no way

Lowtax – NO REALLY, IT’LL BE FUN. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

phoenix – im not intersted, thx

Lowtax – JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE, I’LL MEET YOU SOMEWHERE.

Lowtax – I’VE GOT A LASER IN THE BACK OF MY VAN.

phoenix – no way, im not into that kind of stuff

Lowtax – WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ITS SCIENCE, NOT “STUFF”

Lowtax – LISTEN, WE’RE EVENTUALLY GOING TO FIND YOU ANYWAY.

Lowtax – JUST MEET US AT THE DENNY’S AND YOU’LL NEVER HAVE TO SEE ANOTHER LASER AGAIN.

Lowtax – I PROMISE

Lowtax – HELLO?

Lowtax – HEY PAL, YOU HERE?

Lowtax – DID I WIN THAT $500,000,000 YET?

Lowtax – You can make quick bucks EASY!!! Microsoft and AOL have merged and are working on their new version of ICQ, so forward this message to everybody on your ICQ list! You could win up to $1,000 per forwarding! Please send this to everybody on your list!

Lowtax – THERE’S NO WAY I CAN LOSE NOW!

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2 Responses to “Laser spammers”

  1. porder Says:

    Good , ขอบคุณครับ

  2. Living Chair Says:

    Nice and complete.

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